Why I Quit Writing: Story of a Blog

Other than the post I entered here a couple of weeks ago, it’s been over a year since I made an entry on this blog. I’ve gotten many emails from readers asking why I quit blogging, so I will share what I told them for anyone who’s interested.

When I started posting here, I thought the information I had to share could make a difference. I had seen a way to connect the dots of human experience and religion in a way that made new sense of everything. I thought by sharing the evidence and the reasoning, that I would enable any thoughtful reader to see the fraud hidden underneath the lies we’ve heard all our lives.

But I was wrong. Dozens of blog posts and thousands of reader comments later, I realized that evidence and reasoning mean nothing to a mind and heart unable to relinquish the fairy tales subsisted on for so long.  We believe what we believe because we need to, or – to put it less kindly – because the cost of spiritual adulthood comes at too high a price.

This is not to say that the public response to the blog was negative. Far from it. While I did get a lot of hate mail, 70 percent of the people who wrote were congratulatory, even adulatory. Almost all made claims of agreeing with me completely and of finding it so refreshing that someone finally spoke up and said these things they had always known in their heart.

But then they would always add a caveat, the inevitable link to a website with channeled information that was the exception to the rule, or books sent in the mail to me that I just must read from this new extraterrestrial source that is so different from those manipulating gurus and gods I write about. Always the writer, and his particular spiritual/emotional crutch, was the golden exception to the rule. Always, the writer’s guru – or channeled entity or angelic realm – was different from all the rest, the frauds – the REAL THING, the one solid revelation we’ve all been waiting for.

My heart grew sick of it, I grew discouraged, and came to a different opinion about my ability to make a difference: people believe what they want to because they want to. No one strips the illusions from another person’s eyes – we only can remove the illusions from our own. When we want to know the truth, it’s there in front of us. But few people want to know it. It’s easier and more comfortable to be the spiritual child, believing in the consoling fantasy of beings greater and wiser than ourselves waiting in the wings to save us.

In buying into these fantasies, a person is no different than the bible banger or guru foot-worshipper they feel they are so superior to. It’s all the same childish emotional need, all the same refusal to connect with God directly within one’s own being, without ANY outside influence. The only difference is that some of us prefer teddy bears, some prefer blankies, and some prefer dolls.

That’s why I gave up writing. The reasoning and evidence had been laid out, and there was little more to say anyway. When people are ready to grow up spiritually, they will. Until then, I have enough to keep me busy just trying to get over my own spiritual hurdles. I don’t have time to play the questionable role of clarion blower for people who have covered their ears. It’s time for me to take care of my own spiritual business.

When most of the people in the world are ready to know the truth of our existence here, and of the place we come from, they will find it without anyone’s help, and the world will become a very different place. Meanwhile there’s not much point in minding anything other than my own business.

Bronte Baxter

(c) 2010 Bronte Baxter – all rights reserved

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20 Comments

  1. Jordan said,

    September 15, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Bronte,

    I’ve read your entire blog and have always looked forward to new postings. Your writings are coherent, thought-provoking, and true. They have helped me to clarify my own perceptions and I appreciate and value your work. Thank you….

    Jordan

  2. joana barreiros said,

    September 15, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    BRONTE
    just for you to know much I appreciate reading your blog
    and resonate with your thoughts and ideas
    even thou English is not my first language, I ask you please carry on
    sharing your knowlege you are appreciated by myself and lots,lots,lots more .
    thank you
    JOANA

    thank you.

  3. Carole said,

    September 15, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    Bronte, I want to add my thanks for your blog and your writing. As someone who is somewhat sensitive to the energies around me, I found your affirmation for “happily disconnecting” very helpful. Reading your blog has helped me achieve more peace and clarity in regards to my spiritual conflict. I wish understanding the political landscape was as easy for me. I know there is something terribly wrong, but I am still not entirely clear on the whole matter. Wishing You the Best, Carole

  4. Genlando said,

    September 16, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    Bronte, I won’t be exaggerating at all in saying that your writings have opened my mind and helped liberate me from the tyranny of religion. I was affiliated with an oppressive religion for almost 30 years. For years and years, I heard the exhortation to “surrender [my] heart and mind to Jehovah and His earthly organization”. For years, I knew that something was wrong with mindlessly following these sorts of admonitions.

    Finally, in 2006, I broke away from the organization. Although I enjoyed being free from a stifling religious hierarchy, I felt that I needed to come to a better understanding of how the universe worked, and what my place is within it.

    My search lead me to the movie The Secret. Although a lot of what was talked about in the movie resonated with me, there were several aspects about the movie that didn’t seem right. The main thing that troubled me was that everybody associated with the movie seemed obsessed with money. It seemed that they put a price on everything. Do you want to know more about something, pay $_______, and we’ll send you an e-book. Or, you to join a club, which costs X dollars a month to join. It all sounded an awful lot like the religion that I was formerly affiliated with.

    Then I found your website. You freely provide coherent and valuable information without charge. Your posts answered lots of questions that I had about the universe, and often took me in directions that I never considered. Your writings have truly transformed my life.

    I can understand your frustration when dealing with people who are resistant to the concepts that you postulate. But then again, you really shouldn’t be surprised that there’s so much resistance; after all, you’re fighting against a disinformation campaign that’s gone on for millennia. The forces that want to perpetuate these falsehoods aren’t going to easily give up on their institutions. Your information directly opposes these institutions.

    On a personal level, we humans are resistant to anything new. After 4 years of being free from the lies of religious oppression, I still catch myself subconsciously responding to things I see and hear like I did when I was a member. I can’t speak for others, but possibly, many of the responses that you get might be colored with similar false concepts. Bad habits are sometimes hard to break.

    Although I’ll personally miss reading fresh material on your website, I can understand your frustration with dealing with people who cling to false teachings and misconceptions.

    Hopefully, you’ll reconsider, because your writings have made a big difference in my life.

    • brontebaxter said,

      September 17, 2010 at 2:15 am

      Genlando, thanks for the lovely response – and thanks to all of you who have written similar encouraging messages. Maybe pouring out my frustrations in this article is a sign that I’m releasing the block that has kept me from writing here for so long. I promise you that if inspiration or new ideas come, I’ll share them on this blog for the sake of people like you who find them useful.

      Bronte

  5. Mick said,

    September 17, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Bronte,
    I am glad your blog is still here to be revisited and reread. What one thinks a year ago is different to now, and will be different in a year’s time, though the fundamentals may stay the same. Reading your blog a year later provided fresh insights that were pertinent to my life at the time. For that I am very grateful. Unfortunately Matthew Delooze has removed all his work and insights, so you are the only one of the originals, who brought forth this truth, left on the web. For that, I thank you.

    High Regards, Mick

    • brontebaxter said,

      September 17, 2010 at 2:58 pm

      What is the story with Matthew Delooze, do you know, Mick? Why did he take down his website?

      Bronte

  6. Mick said,

    September 17, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    It is a bit of a sad tale, and this is only my perception. With some friends he started a website to act as a platform for his writings, and as a place for people to chat, air their views and post their own articles. It was called Oneball Radio, later changed to Oneball Media. It also hosted the writings of the late Rik Clay. As you well know having a forum where people can freely say what they wish can be a double-edged sword, but that is the price of freedom. Matt can also be cantankerous, and often expresses himself in an acerbic manner. Before he shut down he was ‘waging war’ against Ian Crane and Red Ice Radio and, not unjustly from his point of view, accusing them of charlatanism. His parting shot on the remains of his blogspot is that he has closed ‘due to lack of support’. He seemed to be very bitter that people could not grasp the message he was putting across. He also became involved with ayahuasca journeying, having four visits to a particular centre in Brazil. His recounts were very interesting, but i do not know how much relevance they have on a wider scale. It is a shame he would not leave his articles available, but he was obviously concerned about his ideas being stolen, which is strange, as he always claimed that, as a set, they would lead people to freedom. It is also a shame that Rik Clay’s articles are now unavailable. Hence my relief that yours can still be accessed.

    As a return gift, here is a beautiful song by Yorkshire folk singer Kate Rusby.

    You will like, i think :)

    Mick

    • brontebaxter said,

      September 17, 2010 at 6:10 pm

      I admired Delooze’s work when I found it, though I didn’t agree with all of it. I wrote to him, and we corresponded amiably for a while, trading perceptions of things. Then one day he sent me a tirade, claiming that in my latest blog article, I had stolen his ideas, and demanding the name and address of my lawyer because he was going to sue me and “expose” me on his website. Your story does not surprise me.

      Bronte

      • Mick said,

        September 17, 2010 at 6:41 pm

        He never mentioned you by name on his website, though he did intimate that there were people stealing his ideas. It’s just a case of reading between the lines. i guess.

        Mick

  7. Ylva said,

    September 17, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    Hello!

    I would also like to say a big THANK YOU to you. When I was confused in my search for answers, this blog has given me a certain calm. It has been worth so much!

    I would also be grateful to you if you shared information when you feel you have strength and inspiration. Your recent article on Kundalini was an important key for me and it felt clear as a bell!

    I am a bit unsure about writing in English, so I used google translate, hope my gratitude to you arrive by this tool!

    Ylva from Sweden

  8. Mike said,

    September 18, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    Bronte,

    I’m writing because whether or not you decide to continue writing now, or in the future you should know that your work was invaluable and of tremendous impact on at least one life. I discovered your site almost a year ago, in October of 2009. At the time I was completely and utterly burnt-out, confused, depressed, and simply plain exhausted on every level. I had recently left a start-up business where I put everything I had into it and was essentially edged out by one of the partners. I saw my resume’s value decimated by the Great Recession, and after being totally out of work for a year had only just found menial part-time work that August. On top of everything else, a close relative looked like she was seeing the last days of a 40+ year marriage and my grandmother who helped raise me was in the hospital and no one could tell what was wrong.

    During all of that time I kept trying to turn towards my nebulous, but certain spirituality and confused meditation practices. I say confused because over the course of about (at the time) 7 years I had slowly gone from cheerful agnostic–who wanted to believe but really saw nothing convincing–to a firm mystic (in the, maybe, not so great sense) I had previously had some very positive experiences that I misinterpreted at the time. Rather than being liberating new pieces of information, I treated them as mystical pieces of revelation. I spent years reading books, websites, experimenting and talking with people trying to understand both what I experienced and at the same time wanting to re-experience it. The more I kept searching for the peak experience the farther away it got, and I got, from myself.

    Prior to this point in my life my real grounding experiences tended to be positive happenings in my external life. The “meditation” and “spiritual” things I was engaging with that are supposed to be grounding were actually, it turned out, quite the opposite. So when everything came to a head, my grandmother, relative’s marriage, my menial job and great frustration over the economy and the past actions of those who I felt wronged me, it was quite obvious how inadequate, unhelpful, and down-right draining my practices were.
    That night after coming home from the hospital I sat down utterly drained in-front of my computer and did a search for something related to spirituality, once again hoping to regain my original positive experience. That’s how I stumbled on your website. Now I won’t say that overnight you changed my life completely and that in an instant I regained everything I was searching for. Your work did something subtler and far more valuable, it gave me an entirely new perspective, gave me some context and the comfort of a fellow traveler who was naturally more inclined to logic and investigation rather than dependency and revelation. Your work set me off on new lines of inquiry I may not have otherwise examined. It led me to examine new ideas and to re-examine old ones. Your work set wheels in motion that did eventually lead to the firm foundation I was missing to start regaining my life the right way.

    All of your work was brilliant in its honest search for truth, genuine desire for a better world for everyone and rational, empirical approach to spiritual inquiry. You don’t provide answers, better than that you provide questions, tools of inquiry and simple general advice with, most importantly, the LOGIC behind your conclusion. Ultimately your work was about self-empowerment and independency over dependency. I read and re-read your work. Finding I had a thirst for logic and rationality I was hungry for more and lucky enough to find other writers and speakers on the internet who’s work gave me more questions, more lines of inquiry.

    As I said, I found all of your work studded with gems, but two pieces in particular that stick out in my mind are your emphasis on Willpower (searching to find that central spark) and also your writing about the energetic drain experienced by the Maharishi’s followers and the physical effects that followed. That second one, especially, correlated to my own direct experience of energy drain and many of the same negative resulting effects. (I also subsequently found references to psychologists’ findings that some meditation practices resulted in mental disassociation along with a host of other undesirable effects that mediation is supposed to fix not foster.)

    The upshot of it all is that one year later as a result of intense work on myself, focused in a new direction, I have a much firmer foundation mentally, emotionally and spiritually that I continue to build on. Your work was the very first signpost in this year long quest to regain myself and I cannot thank you enough for the selflessness you’ve shown by sharing the fruits of your own inquiries. Is everything in my life perfect? No, not by a long shot, but it’s not tragic either. I can deal with what life throws at me with energy and humor I didn’t have a year ago. I’ve rediscovered a zest for life and hobbies I had left by the wayside years prior. I’ve started working on new business projects while I continue at my menial part-time job, which is giving new meaning to my business life and giving me a new hope for the future.

    While I like to read my fair share of blog postings and internet forums I am not one to post comments or be a regular board contributor. Reaching out to people with whom I may only have a cursory amount of common ground just isn’t something I do regularly. When I read your latest post though I just felt I had to tell you how impactful your work has been for me personally. It was like rolling the proverbial snowball off the mountain slowly gaining in speed and size. For me, your work wasn’t the Eureka moment of reclaiming knowledge, but it was the first signpost in this past year’s journey and it was the one I could not have done without. If I hadn’t discovered your site, read your work and let it carry me where it was headed I think its fair to say that, without hyperbole, that my life would be in much worse shape right now. It certainly would be less fun.

    That brings me to the point I have for you. I understand firsthand the frustration, anger and perhaps even feelings of betrayal that can come from putting yourself out there 100% and then not seeing the results you worked for. Take it from me though when I say don’t regret the time you’ve spent being out there. When we follow our heart and our dreams and use the mind we’ve been given we don’t know what great things we may be setting ourselves up for. When we follow our heart and the result is not what we expected or it seems like we’ve made no impact or worse like we’ve actually worsened the circumstances of our own life, just remember we have no idea where it’s taking us. We might not realize the crucial lesson we’re learning that will help us close the sale when the opportunity arises. We might not realize what a positive impact we had on another’s life, how much we helped influence someone else’s existence for the better. We might not realize how much better the course of our life is simply because we had the courage to endure a little temporary pain.

    I don’t mean to sound like a holy roller or someone who believes only in deferred gratification. I simply want to remind you that life is so big and complex that without omniscience we cannot know all the twists and turns on the path we choose to take in life. And on that path I find that bitterness and regrets over a past we can’t change is not only useless but harmful. We take our knocks, dust ourselves off, learn our lesson and get right back up and keep on rolling. And in this instance at least, you should be feeling proud, not bitter; for one person at least you can consider your endeavor Mission Accomplished. Thank you, for yourself, your efforts and your insights; good luck and fair weather in your future!

    All the Best,

    Mike

    • brontebaxter said,

      September 19, 2010 at 2:37 am

      I am very touched by your letter. I think it will inspire everyone who reads it, as it does me. Thanks to all the great people who have been sharing their stories. You guys have given me a real boost, and I am deeply grateful.

      More writing on the way – I’m working on a piece right now, and should be able to publish it on the blog within the week.

      Blessings to all, dear people
      Bronte

  9. Henry said,

    September 20, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Hi Bronte

    Think about this; One of the hardest, most difficult things for any human being to do is to admit they’re wrong. Those few who can are light years ahead of the others.
    Try keeping this little phrase in mind, “Non Illegitimi Carborundum”. That’s latin for Don’t Let The Bastards Grind You Down.

    Love and blessings to you
    Henry

  10. Markoff said,

    September 21, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    “His parting shot on the remains of his blogspot is that he has closed ‘due to lack of support’. He seemed to be very bitter that people could not grasp the message he was putting across.”

    MAN:

    Kick him – he’ll forgive you. Flatter him – he may or may not see through you.
    But ignore him, and he’ll hate you, even if he conceals it until he dies.

    MOTTO OF THE HUMAN RACE:

    Tell me what to do; but it must be what I want you to tell me.

    Bronte, many of us lurk here, for sure. But I, for one, appreciate your unique insights. Come back soon with more musings. They are invaluable.

    Warmest regards.

    Markoff

  11. Janos said,

    September 23, 2010 at 5:47 am

    I am moved by Mike’s words from Sept. 18.
    As an author who published high fiction (in my native Hungarian) I can tell that it is a state of mind to be inspired or thrown by comparatives. Whenever I was writing (I write lyrical prose, of my own dreams and visions), people suggested works for me to read. Well I found that since the state of mind of writing is when one’s INSIDE is pouring out towards the outer world, I was interested in only what I was already interested in. It could be one line, a piece of music stuck in my head, a visual art piece, food or colors or even other authors – but this was rare.
    Now if someone is a very good writer in some genre or another – and such are you, Bronte – you basically need no comparisons. Maybe time to time you are inspired by some – as you quoted Castaneda etc. in some of your articles – but the point is people should not direct your attention away from what you have to say.

    So maybe it is time to simply say no to all those quotations and exception gurus and chanelled material. Maybe you can make an outright rule: Please, if you write to me in response to my philosophy (hope you don’t feel bad about this noun), give me your OWN THOUGHTS ONLY and no gurus, channelled books or websites or anything…

    I am also re-reading a lot of my favorite articles, just like Mike said.

    I will be back. and glad to hear you are writing again!

    • brontebaxter said,

      September 23, 2010 at 10:17 am

      I don’t have a problem with people referring me to websites and books of interest, and sometimes the referral is to something excellent. When it is, I allow the comment with the link to become part of the blog. It’s when people forward me to more of the same old crap that I get discouraged. And I don’t publish links to such sources on this website.

      Bronte

  12. Nicky Newsome said,

    October 14, 2010 at 3:00 am

    Wey hey! Just thought I’d check out your blog for one last time in the hope that maybe you’d posted again … and yes, you’re back! Thank goodness.

    I wholeheartedly echo all the sentiments above. Bronte, your writings have helped me so much in my quest to make sense of the ‘splinter in my mind’ and you’ve encouraged me to trust my instincts. Please do keep on sharing your thoughts and ideas; they are much appreciated and highly valued.

    With many thanks and all best wishes,
    Nicky

  13. October 14, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Dear Bronte,
    You DO make a difference! Even by quitting writing for a year – you DID! It’s a real, true pleasure to read you again. Thank you for coming back! :))
    Paul

    • brontebaxter said,

      October 14, 2010 at 5:57 pm

      I really am appreciating all the nice comments. Thank you, people.

      Bronte


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