Brahman: The Doughnut That Eats Itself

My last article examined human nature and argued, through reasoning and experience, that we, at core, are thought-energy-will. That is how we animate our bodies and how we move through the field of matter.

Thought-energy-will in the form of “I” is an individual, a little spark that woke up within the infinity of intelligent potential that some physicists like to call “the unified field.” We are each pieces of the Infinite, totally connected with the Infinite, yet independent as doers and experiencers. As individualized expressions of thought-energy-will, we are the way the Infinite expresses itself, the way it creates. We are the reason for creation. Our individuality is precious to the Infinite, and if we ever dissolved that, we would defeat the purpose of life.

The part of my being that makes me individual is my unique thought and will. The will is the impulse within me to do and to choose and to create. What I do, choose, and create is unique in all the universe. No other impulse of the Infinite (no other individual) will ever or can ever observe life from quite my perspective, nor will they ever do or allow or create exactly as I choose to.

Our choices and inspirations are based on our positions where we stand as an individualized sparks of infinity. When all the sparks know their nature as the Infinite and at the same time fully engage their individuality, the world will become like a symphony, with every note sounded full and sweet, harmonizing with and adding to every other note. It will become a colorful flower field, every blossom vibrant in its distinct and separate uniqueness, yet each contributing to the perfume and beauty that is all the flower field together.

Religion works against this. It tells us to surrender our will to something greater, but the Infinite actually delights in our will and its expression. Religion tells us to dissolve our ego – the author of our doing, creating, and choosing – into the cosmic ego of the whole. This is completely counter to the purpose of the Infinite. It would be like every flower in a garden surrendering itself to the garden, wilting in its self-hood instead of being the best flower it can be. The entire garden would die.

Each person is an individualized expression of thought-energy-will – like a car and driver, moving across the universe. Mind is the automobile, energy is the fuel, and will is the driver. Telling me to surrender my will is a way of taking over my thought and my energy.

The car goes nowhere without a will to drive it. If I step out of the driver’s seat of my life, merely reacting to the world  instead of initiating things in it, someone else will climb behind the wheel and direct where I go. This is especially true if I invite such an arrangement through self-deprecating prayer or by prostrating myself before the gods in mantra meditation.

When we dissolve our will or ego,  “I” no longer exists. All that remains is the shell of what was once a person. We are left with body (energy) and mind (thoughts). The lights are on, but no one’s at home. Or rather, someone new has taken up residence, the entity to whom one has surrendered one’s ego or will. Some call this enlightenment. It’s actually possession. The will has been abdicated, that which makes us uniquely human. One becomes a vessel for the will of that to whom one has given oneself.

Decades back, when I was a girl, religion outright asked for surrender of the will. That’s back when will was talked about still in common parlance. Now, religion has evolved and asks instead for surrender of our ego. But will and ego are the same thing. By demonizing our desires, by telling us ego is arrogant and selfish, religion has made the will seem like something that must be relinquished for perfection or goodness to be attained.

In fact, when we surrender that spark, through “namah-ing”our way through years of mantras or asking Jesus to save us, the very reason for our existence is defeated. We become empty shells, sounding to the noise of that which blows through us and possesses us. That entity is not God, for True God is the Infinite which never wants to take over anything. God desires its children’s freedom, their will unfettered, so they may dance wherever and however they like, and in so doing, delight their creator.

When we truly get that we are thought-energy-will in our essential nature, that this impulse is our spirit, the eternal and infinite personhood that animates our body, then it becomes possible to command the body and control it. We understand that every physical limitation is a limitation of thought, and that thought can reverse it. If all matter, including our bodies, is made of nothing but energy, then by thinking our physical energy patterns different, they must change. We’ve accepted that we must age and die, and so we do. But if we decide to reject that thought and supplant it with a better one, we can order the body to thrive and to live forever.

This is why I went into such detail in my last article examining what we are at our core. Because unless we intuitively get that, unless it’s something we’ve reasoned to ourselves, so thoroughly and deeply that it becomes our essential reality, then the idea that we are thought-energy-will pulsing in an infinite field of potential is only a pretty concept. It must become our most fundamental experience. When our true nature becomes as clear and real to us as the ground we walk on, we can start to live from that reality, with the authority that understanding grants us. We can ordain things and they happen. We can tell the body to do what we will. We can infuse the body with the infinite energy of the unified field and never need to eat (take life from others) in order to survive. We can survive on our essential, infinite nature.

And if all beings learned to do this, if all egos understood their essential power and immortality, no one would need to feed on anyone else. We all would exist in our own self-empowerment. The basic premise on which this universe is founded would dissolve, and that premise is the need to take life from others in order to live. The universe would start to operate on a different principle, the principle of its essential unlimited potential.

Let’s look at this from another perspective. Jewish mystical texts, as well as other esoteric manuscripts, describe the shape of the universe as a torus. A torus looks like a doughnut, a doughnut capable of turning in on itself. Think of it like a piece of vacuum cleaner tubing, taped to itself to form a circle, a doughnut shape. Imagine rotating the tubing, so the part that is the top moves toward the center, then down to the bottom, then back up to the top again. That is the description of a torus.

In this model, the universe is a black hole on one of the sides of the torus, a white hole at the other side. The white hole is constantly spitting out new creations – new worlds – that live, thrive, then decline as they move around the outside to the reverse side of the torus, where they are absorbed by the black hole there. (Astronomy now actually postulates that there is a black hole in the center of the universe, toward which all galaxies are constantly moving.) As they move through the center of the doughnut, worlds are destroyed then recycled, emerging on the other side of the torus – through the white hole – as new forms. Individual forms have been consumed; new forms have been created. And so the cycle of creation and destruction continues.

This torus is the physical shape of the universe, according to mystic sources, and the shape resembles that of someone eating, digesting, and defecating. Food in (at the black hole end), food processed (interior of the doughnut hole), food out (at the white hole end). In this way, the torus that is the universe resembles the interior shape of human and animal bodies: mouth at one end, digestion and transmutation of food in the center, anus at the other end. And just as animals defecate, their feces fertilizing the earth and becoming new plants, that which was defecated gets consumed again in the form of a new dinner. This torus system is the pattern or shape of the universe we live in. And it is our essential shape as organic beings, as long as we are eaters, dependent on taking life to survive.

The torus also appears to be the shape of Brahman, the Vedic/ East Indian name for the entity or consciousness that is or upholds the universe. Brahman is another name, in India, for the cosmic Self. It is that consciousness which those pursuing the traditional concept of “enlightenment” are striving to attain. Brahman functions in a self-destructive feedback loop. “Curving back onto myself, I create again and again,” says Krishna in the Bhagavad-Gita, speaking for the consciousness of the universe. Energy in, energy out. Galaxies dissolved, galaxies created. An endless cycle of creation and destruction. The universe is like a dog forever chasing its tail.

The ancient mystery schools depicted the reality of the universe another way: through the symbol of a snake swallowing its tail. (Picture a dot on the torus, and the path it takes as it moves from the top inner side down the outer side, across the bottom, up the inner side and back to its position on the top. It makes a perfect circle, which is the shape of a snake swallowing its tail.) The symbol is one of self-destruction, because a snake that devours itself will die. The universe will also someday die, because it cannot go on eating itself endlessly. In time its energy will wear out, from the endless recycling project. The universe will implode.

Brahman (the consciousness whose outer form is our universe) knows this, and it is terrified. That’s why all its children are terrified. All beings are afraid of death, and are subject to death. Because the great entity we are part of, the universe, is subject to death. Like Brahman, the great torus, we little toruses must eat to continue our existence. Or so we think. But in fact, we are no more in need of consuming others to continue existing than a dog needs to chase its tail in order to stay alive. It’s a thought we had that became a belief. It’s a thought Brahman had, that became a belief. And what we think, we manifest as reality.

The universe is self-destructive because it thinks that way. Brahman eats its children because it thinks it has to, to survive. Brahman is an insane parent, pursuing a course that is madness, knowing no other. But healing is only a thought away. Brahman only needs to conceive of another possibility, and it can change its pattern of existence.

In fact, Brahman, like us, is an individualized expression of the unified field: pure and infinite intelligent energy. If Brahman could but remember its nature as infinite, it would stop trying to eat itself. It eats itself in an effort to consume energy, because it thinks it will run out. But its very nature is thought-energy-will, and the energy it expresses from is infinite. By remembering that, Brahman would no longer need to consume itself to stay alive. It can simply shine in its own self-effulgence. It can bask in its own infinity of energy, and dance an endless dance in the forms of its immortal children. The insanity can end, when the insane thinking ends.

We are children of Brahman, and we also ARE Brahman, as a leaf is an individual but is also the plant it is part of, as a cell is an individual, but also the body it is part of. If the leaves change their minds, the plant changes its mind. If we, as children of the universe, wake up to our essential nature as unlimited and undying, then Brahman, our parent, must wake up to the same. If we stop needing to consume and stop agreeing to be consumed, consumption stops – not only for us, but for that which we are a part of. The universe starts to change its mind with every one of us that changes our mind.

When enough people wake up to our limitless nature, Brahman will wake up, and the torus that is the universe will morph into a new shape. The insanity will end, and the dog will stop chasing its tail. The need for anyone to devour anyone else will cease, and the lion will lie down with the lamb. It all starts with remembering what we really are, then using our wills to ordain change from that infinite, powerful place.

The definition of religion is from the root “religio,” which means “to bind back.” Think of the torus that is Brahman as a great firework explosion, where the sparks reach outward, then curve back to their source. Religion gives us the thinking that binds us back to the hole in the doughnut, where we must be destroyed and recycled.

By seeing through the lies of religion, by refusing to surrender our wills / egos to Brahman or to any other limited entity that religions may call God, we free ourselves from the need to cycle around from birth to ultimate death. We identify with something much greater than Brahman – the infinite intelligence from which Brahman and all universes sprang.

In so doing, we immortalize ourselves, body and spirit. We save ourselves, and we also save the universe. For being its unit members, we are the universe.

Keep in mind that Brahman is not the Ultimate Reality (although people in the Eastern religious traditions will tell you that it is). If Brahman is the cosmic consciousness of this universe, and as such is a limited consciousness (as we have seen), then the Ultimate Reality is beyond Brahman. The Ultimate Reality must be the pure ground of Being, from which all universes emerge, ours being but one of them. Brahman, the entity, thinks it is all there is – the ultimate of the ultimate – but that is not the case. Other universes exist, each with its own overmind or consciousness . Brahman is only one of these, only one of myriad universes.

Surely not every universe – not every cosmic child of God – is insane the way Brahman is. Surely not all of them are ignorant of how to live off the infinite energy they were conceived from. Surely there must be some creations that already exist in a state of eternal paradise. Because all possibilities exist in the Infinite Field that gave birth to all the worlds, and not all of God’s cosmic children can be that dumb!

If living a life free of birth and death is possible – and reason tells us it must be – then we can transform our universe into its own unique paradise. It’s only a matter of stepping out of the rut of old, engrained ideas – the dogmas we hold as unquestionable absolutes – and moving to a new way of perceiving, willing, and being. What a grand challenge and adventure!

Bronte Baxter

© Bronte Baxter 2009

Anyone may copy or republish this article as long as they include a link back to this website at



  1. msjean said,

    August 29, 2009 at 1:02 am

    Let me ask you what part of you rushes ahead of another to get in line first, or prides itself while driving the nicest car, or in having won an argument? Is that the ego or the will? If you let go of ego you will not push anyone out of the way to get what you want yet will still honor your will to get it. In this respect it will serve you better in the end and you’ll become more kind and thoughtful while moving forward on all levels.

    To release one’s ego is not giving up your will, it is asking you to consider others around first before acting like a spoiled child, jumping in and making a fool of yourself – like we are accustomed to doing. If we all did this wouldn’t it be much easier to get along? In this way could we really all still be children, as in God’s children still acting like our wants are more important than than anothers? Isn’t that what drives the ego?

    • brontebaxter said,

      August 29, 2009 at 6:28 am

      Msjean, this article you’re commenting on builds on previous writing of mine that covers these questions you bring up here. Rather than repeat what I already wrote, I’ll refer you to my article in the Blowing the Whistle on Enlightenment series that addresses the subject of ego. It’s called “Catching More Flies with Honey: How ‘Love’ and ‘Oneness’ Teachings Are Used to Disempower.” You can find it on this blog in the left-hand column of this page.


  2. Curtis Norman said,

    September 19, 2009 at 6:45 am

    Hello Bronte,

    You stated;
    “Brahman knows this, and it is terrified. That’s why all its children are terrified. All beings are afraid of death, and are subject to death. Because the great entity we are part of, the universe, is subject to death. Like Brahman, the great torus, we little toruses must eat to continue our existence. Or so we think. But in fact, we are no more in need of consuming others to continue existing than a dog needs to chase its tail in order to stay alive. It’s a thought we had that became a belief.”
    I do not believe for a second that all beings are afraid of death.Every day we have people who commit suicide, some who strap bombs to their chests and take others along, some who simply don’t want to live any longer, for whom living is a far greater pain than the thought of “release through death”. Some who long for death because of disease and a painful existence, some who are in no physical pain at all, but see the world as ugly.
    As to not needing to consume others in order to live, well, perhaps I am missing something here and taking you too literally, but there are examples of people who try this every day for very long periods; Karen Carpenter was a famous example, if you remember her and there are many others. Physically, we must eat SOMETHING or we will die. True, we do not have to consume animals, but we will have to eat something that lives, even if it be plant life.
    If Brahman is infinite “thought-energy-will” as you say, then that “perfect” (is that not what the term infinite implies when describing a being as “infinite thought”?) intellect could make no mistakes. This being would not, could not, have false beliefs about its own nature. I however, do not believe that this being is perfect, or that, as common religion has it; “God is all-powerful, all just, all loving”,etc,etc. John Hume tackled this idea centuries ago in stating that an “all loving being” could never have created this world. We do not know this being, yet we characterize “It”. Could that be the root of the problem? That is, that this being is inherently imperfect and as such must eat? Perhaps, at the end of the food chain are WE and that the energy that we give off in emotions in daily life and finally, in death, are what Brahman “consumes”. Perhaps Brahman “eats its children” not because it thinks it has to, but rather because it knows it has to. After all, we can know nothing about such a Being, one who is as removed from us as say, a bacteria on our skin is removed from ourselves. We know the bacteria is there, when we shower we know that there are fewer of them there, but we do not consider the bacteria, or its life since, after all, it is too insignificant to us.

  3. brontebaxter said,

    September 19, 2009 at 11:10 am

    Curtis, you misread the article, or perhaps I didn’t express myself clearly. Brahman is NOT infinite or perfect, in my opinion, and I agree with everything you suggest about it here.

    I was saying there is something beyond Brahman that must be infinite. That would be the field of infinite consciousness Brahman springs from. Indianism would like us to think that Brahman is the end-all-be-all, infinite and perfect, but it is actually engaged in a self-destructive feedback loop. Surely there are more children of the infinite, more universes, than Brahman alone, which is so negatively absorbed.

    If you read my articles in the “Blowing the Whistle on Enlightenment” series (left-hand column of blog), you would see that your arguments and mine mirror each other.

    About your observation that some people desire death rather than fearing it … that’s true, but doesn’t negate the point I was making. I was saying that Brahman, and we as its children, are engaged with life in a way that involves death, as opposed to simply engaging life on its own terms – fully, with endless enjoyment, eternally.

    We think death is necessary part of living. We think every positive thing needs a negative polarity to exist. We can’t conceive of unending life, unending happiness, unending goodness or unending love. The reason is that our thinking is rooted in the limited consciousness that is Brahman. Brahman, like us, is constantly dying and destroying. It cannot conceive of an infinity of goodness.

    Whether we express our human obsession with death and destruction as a fear of death or as a desire for it, the bottom line is the same: an inability to engage life on its own eternal terms, the constant corruption of life by suffering and death. Your examples just show another facet of the same thing I myself was observing.

    Of course, when we raise our consciousness out of the box that is Brahman, we break free of the belief that death and destruction are necessary to life and start to engage life on more infinite terms. We are only incapable of this so long as we insist on accepting the old dogmas, the old paradigms, that tell us we are limited and that even the universe must someday die.


    • Curtis Norman said,

      September 19, 2009 at 11:42 am

      Hello again, Bronte

      In rereading my email I see that I called David Hume “John”, I don’t know how I made that mistake, but there it is! Yes, I don’t doubt that there are other Beings that the Infinite must have “given birth” to, one wonders what our world would be like if our “Brahman” were a different Being.


  4. Kushta said,

    March 5, 2011 at 1:48 am

    The parallel between ideas that posit ‘Higher Consciousness’ (a.k.a. Brahman Consciousness) and social utopias that establish abstract ideas as superior to the mind that conceives them are far from ironic. All social utopias negate the inherent value of the person through a process of de-personalization that makes us impersonal objects who become a means to an end rather than the end in itself. For example in Capitalism we become ‘economic units’ where profit is deemed superior to people; in Communism and Fascist ideologies we become cogs in the wheel of the state or nation where the State becomes God and we become willing sacrifices that facilitate its ‘progress’.

    There is little difference between the ‘all-devouring’ nature of our social machinations and their apathetic ability to consume life (through war, slavery, etc) at will in the name of ‘progress or ‘higher truth, and the all-devouring nature of Monism’s Brahman devouring our ego, will and self determination in the name of ‘higher consciousness’. In this way ‘Higher Truth’, ‘the Good of the State’, and ‘Higher Consciousness’ reflect a euphemistic metaphor for sacrificing your-SELF to something greater, which rings in the ears of any self-realized/actualized individual as the most abominable idea ever conceived! Millions of lives have been devoured and destroyed in the name of ‘social progress’, and in Oneness we see the same principle being applied through a deceptive application of ‘spiritual’ nomenclature. It stands as the final trap for those who recognize the corruption in the social sphere and seek a viable solution beyond the socio-political dimension.

    Here is a clear example of the brainwashing implicit in deceptive political language used by Barrack Obama when he said:

    “Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it’s only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential.”

    Such suggestions serve to disempower us through facilitating co-dependence and undermining our sense of self-worth. No ‘truth’ can ever transcend the value of the person whose mind conceives it and this ‘truth’ will never be realized until we find it smiling back at us in the mirror! The recognition of our inherent value leads us to stand in the primacy of our own person, and through standing in the primacy of our own person we experience the empathy that empowers us to value the primacy of those in our own image – other persons as well. Thus to hold our own, and consequently, the person of others as the ultimate source of value in this world is to call the infinite power of love into action, and as we all know love protects, LOVE PROTECTS! VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

    “One may almost say that I have no existence, save in so far as I exist for others, and that to be is, in the final analysis, to love.” – (Emmanuel Mounier – French Philosopher)

    – Kushta

  5. hippie99 said,

    November 12, 2013 at 3:46 am

    Talking about not accepting death and rebirth: The Taoists aim for good health and immortality, not the self-annihilating enlightenment promoted by Buddhism or Hinduism.

    The worship of deities is not a require part of Taoist practice. Taoist writers seem to realize that these “deities” are astral entities, not any perfect Almighty or Creator. Though it is okay to seek their help by pleasing them with offerings, surrendering to the deities is not encouraged.

    My sense is that Taoist got it right about this.

  6. 102 said,

    February 11, 2017 at 3:08 pm

    Thank you Bronte for sharing your experiences with us. Your posts have helped me get through some very stressful times

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: