Romantic Love and Soulmates: Why They Are Important

Since its earliest cultures, history records that man has held the dream of uniting with his split or divided self. David Icke’s interviews with Credo Mutwa reveal the Zulu shaman telling the same story, how the gods split humans in two (male and female) so as to weaken the power of humanity. In Greece, we find Plato talking about the same “myth,” that humans were becoming too powerful, posing a threat to the gods, so the gods had to cut them down the middle to weaken them. Ever since, each of us has a soulmate out there in the universe that we instinctively search for. So go the old stories.

I forget if it was the Greeks or Zulus who said that sex was created by the gods to help mankind get through their grief at the time of this division: humans were dying right and left, unwilling to eat or drink and wasting away in their sorrow at being split. Sex was invented by the gods then to give them a temporary feeling of unity. The fix helped fill the emptiness, whether the sex was with the soulmate or with someone else. So say the old tales.

The question is, are such accounts reflective of truth or fiction? If they’re not true, why does every human being instinctively have the urge to find and unite with their other self? Is it just a chemical need, a body thing, or does the need spring from something deeper, a soul lack? Certainly, once we unite consciously with the Infinite, which is the base and core of what we are, such feelings of lack disappear, at least until we get overshadowed by the world again. But is it possible our souls themselves, our spirits, have been divided on some level — not at the deepest level where we are all one, but very close to that depth?

The analogy I like to picture for wholeness existing with individuality is Matthew Arnold’s poetic picture of separate islands “linking their coral arms beneath the sea.” We are individuals in this world, but we are collectively one at our base, because we exist not just as the surface of the island, which is small and separate, but as the level of the island that is the infinite ocean floor, the place from which we, as individual “island” projections, originally sprang.

If individuals have been “split,” we would alter this mental picture by showing a projection rising from the ocean floor that, a small ways up from the bottom, divides into two projections, two parallel islands. I give this analogy to clarify what I mean about being split at a very deep but not at the deepest level where we’re one with all life.

While I know I’m Infinite Consciousness having an experience as Bronte Baxter, and while the name and history of Bronte Baxter would disappear if she perished, I believe there’s a part of her, an essence of her, that continues on in consciousness as a unique individual even if death takes the body. Bronte doesn’t disappear at death into an amorphous wholeness: she becomes pure soul, pure spirit — more conscious (than when embodied) of her oneness with the Source, but a unique individual nonetheless.

If this is NOT true, then God creates us as individuals only to destroy us. What creator desires to destroy its unique creations? Artists treasure their art work, desire to see it cherished and preserved forever. Surely the Infinite treasures Its children, and wishes to see them no less eternal. There is always the odd painting that just doesn’t work out, and the artist paints over that canvas. But by and large artists cherish their creations, and from their heart wish to preserve them. Why would the Infinite, who created this world to expand and express its Joy, be any different?

So if we are individuals, not just at a physical level but at a soul level, too, it means we are more than just infinite consciousness. We are all the tendencies and permutations that our unique expression of the Infinite embodies — not chemically, somatically, but on the deeper spiritual level. All the stones on a lakeshore are made up of the same “stone” essence, but each of them expresses “stone” in a unique way in terms of color, texture, shape, veining, etc. Like that, our souls are unique and remain so after physical death. If they didn’t remain distinct and unique, we would be throwaways: things God made for one lifetime only, just to be dissolved into the Source at the end. I think better of God’s intentions than that.

If we are individuals spiritually, not just physically, then it seems to me very possible we could have been “split” on a soul level by the entities who want to keep us unknowing and weak. Plato’s myth even goes so far as to say that if man gets too powerful and godlike again, the gods will split us yet another time, sometime in the future. Splitting anything weakens it, makes it lose its integrity. So this is useful to the gods’ controlling purposes.

I believe in the soulmate theory because I don’t think one of the deepest longings of the human spirit is just a “chemical” thing, a chimera. It is manipulated by chemicals, by tempting the human sex drive, but the longing for the other half is a genuine desire, a spiritual desire, that goes way deeper than simple affairs of the flesh. In the same manner, when we find the soulmate, the experience is far deeper than sexual attraction or sexual enjoyment. The spiritual component is so strong, the spiritual union so profound, that some who’ve had it report it to be one of the highest, most profound experiences possible in this life.

The poet John Donne wrote of such a love, such a relationship. In his poem “The Ecstasy,” he speaks of lying next to his beloved and being suspended in a state beyond sex, beyond desire, in perfect spiritual union and bliss. His poem “A Valediction Forbidding Mourning” is my favorite: he was leaving for a trip, and his pregnant wife had premonitions that something bad would happen if he left. It did: she miscarried in his absence. That is the background of the poem, which was written to reassure her before he left for the journey. In the poem he compares him and his wife to two legs of one compass — the leg that must journey outward being made stable by the leg that “stays home” in the center. He compares their love to gold that may be beat by a goldsmith to “airy thinness” – spread wide, reshaped and hammered to the level of lace, but never divided.

“Our two souls, therefore, which are one, endure not yet a breach, but an expansion: like gold to airy thinness beat.”

Here is a poem written by a girl about her soulmate, whose thoughts and feelings she came to instinctively know over the years that followed, although the two were separated on the surface level of life:

across time and space
a golden thread is cast
that links our souls.

Funny, love,
today I felt it tugging:
little pulling pains upon the heart.

Like a kind of telephone
I don’t know how to use,
this discovery.

Yet it links us wholly
though hardly understood,
this lifeline
of Eternity.

Shakespeare wrote the following beautiful sonnet about true romantic love:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.
Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unmeasured, though its height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come.
Love alters not with his brief hours or weeks
But bears it out unto the edge of doom:
If this is false and be upon me proved,
Then I have never writ, nor no man loved.

Here is an anonymous love poem that shows the spirituality of true romantic love, lifting the spirit to its primordial unity, not only with the soulmate but with all of life:

In thy sweet presence I have found
My ancient long-forgotten home
Where all life’s broken factions mend
In time beyond significance.
And I in fond confusion turn, “Where is my heart?”
For I am lost, and find myself in everything.

There is also this gem of a sonnet from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, whose husband, the poet Robert Browning, first met her as an invalid considerably older than himself, then treasured her for decades until the day she died. They fell in love through writing letters – not exactly “body consciousness” driving this a romance:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:
I love thee to the breadth, depth and height
My soul can reach when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of each day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use in my old grieves
And with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with the love I seemed to lose with my lost saints.
I love thee with the breath, smiles and tears of all my life,
And if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

Literature is filled with jewels like these, eternal testaments to the truth and lastingness of “the real thing”: the love of soulmates for each other. Such love is one of the great gifts in this world. It is beyond friendship, though true friendship is a treasure in its own right. Unlike superficial hormone-based love, friendship may seem a more solid bet for the tentative heart than romance, but friends betray friends the same as lovers can, and it hurts almost as much. There are no guarantees in any human relationship.

I think when we experience love gone sour, for a long time most people feel cynical, no longer believing in romantic love, claiming it’s nothing but chemicals and that being in love has no substance. But the great lovers of the world experience love differently, and they hold up the torch for the rest of us. It is not wrong or foolish to have a dream of lasting romantic love: it is one of the purest desires in every human heart, basic to our humanity. The dream of return of the soulmate gives us great hope in this world, and leads us back to that original love and to our even more primordial union with God. Indeed, we’ll never be totally “one” until we’re one again not only with Infinite Consciousness, our eternal parent, but with our eternal spouse, our lost halved individual self, the soulmate.

Please enjoy the following love poems and poem excerpts, which are some of my favorites:

From Matthew Arnold’s “To Marguerite”:

Only, but this is rare: when a beloved hand is laid in ours
When jaded by the rush and glare of the interminable hours
Our eyes can in another’s eyes read clear
When our world-deafened ear
Is by the tones of a loved voice caressed,
A bolt is shot back somewhere in the breast,
And a lost pulse of feeling stirs again.
The eye sinks inward, and the heart lives plain.
And what we mean, we say. And what we would, we know.
A man becomes aware of his life’s flow
And hears its winding murmur, and he sees
The meadows where it glides, the sun, the breeze.
And there arrives a lull in the hot race
Wherein he doth forever chase
That flying and elusive shadow: rest.
An air of coolness plays upon his face,
And an unwonted calm pervades his breast.
And then he thinks he knows
The hills where his life rose
And the sea where it goes.

The following poem is about Matthew Arnold’s loss in his lifetime of his soulmate:

In this fair stranger’s eyes of gray
Thine eyes, my love, I see.
I tremble, for the passing day
Had borne me far from thee.

This is the curse of life
That not a calmer, nobler strain
Of wiser thoughts and feelings
Blots our passions from our brain

But each day brings its petty dust
Our soon-checked souls to fill,
And we forget because we must
And not because we will.

I struggle towards the Light,
And ye once-longed-for storms of Love!
If with the Light ye cannot be,
I bear that ye remove.

I struggle towards the Light,
But oh, while yet the night is chill,
Upon Time’s barren, stormy flow,
Stay with me, Marguerite, still!

John Donne’s “A Valediction Forbidding Mourning”

As virtuous men pass mildly away,

And whisper to their souls to go,

Whilst some of their sad friends do say,

“The breath goes now,” and some say, “No,”

So let us melt, and make no noise,

No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move:

‘Twere profanation of our joys

To tell the laity our love.

Moving of the earth brings harms and fears;

Men reckon what it did, and meant,

But trepidation of the spheres,

Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers’ love

(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit

Absence, because it doth remove

Those things which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refined

That ourselves know not what

Inter-assured of the mind,

Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,

Though I must go, endure not yet

A breach, but an expansion,

Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so

As stiff twin compasses are two;

Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show

To move, but doth, if the other do.

And though it in the center sit,

Yet when the other far doth roam,

It leans, and hearkens after it,

And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must

Like the other foot, obliquely run:

Thy firmness draws my circle just,

And makes me end where I begun.

Blog by Bronte Baxter

© Bronte Baxter 2008

Anyone may copy or republish this article on another site as long as they include the copyright and a back link to the “Splinter in the Mind” website at


  1. Brownhawk said,

    October 28, 2008 at 8:10 pm

    Bronte, it was a welcome diversion from the tumult of the world to read this soulmate article. It is said that upon recognition of your soulmate there are unmistakable feelings: a nostalgic yearning and a ‘shaking’ of the soul. When I muse upon this in my heart I sense an almost indescribably awesome feeling of joy which implies an intimacy that in its wonder and power inspires me to really know what love is. It’s as if an impending reunion with our soulmate is so sacred as an inherent expansion of what this love portends that it stands to reason of it being an indicator of the awakening. Brian

  2. Barbara said,

    October 31, 2008 at 9:54 am

    Bronte I have searched my heart and racked my brains over this. If we have a soulmate do we meet them in every life or is it a matter of chance? What if they are living in another country? What if they are of an age that isn’t compatible? What if they are already married when you meet? It is fraught with difficulty for me, having spent too long with Messrs Wrong and too short a time with Mr Right.
    Do you think that Elizabeth Barret Browning had ME? I think that would explain her illness.
    Also given that we are in this world slaves to the powers that be do you think that their control runs into the area between lives and into the next incarnation?

    Bronte’s Response I don’t know what “ME” stands for, so I can’t respond to that question. But yes, I do think the gods’ control (or rather, influence) extends to the area between lives and into the next incarnation. Why wouldn’t it?

    Psychologist and past-life regressionist Michael Newton has written some books that are compilations of transcripts of his interviews with people he has regressed (the first book is “Journey of Souls”).

    In these accounts of the between-lifetime space, people report selecting events for their next incarnation with input from a council of 3 “elders” who “beneficently” instruct them to choose events that will help them delete their bad karma and learn their spiritual lessons. I suggest there is an ulterior motive for this advice: get humans to choose pain in their next life, so the gods have more pain to feed off of. Get them on their guilt, so they set up a self-punishing future that will keep on providing the loosh energy that the gods crave.

    If Newton’s regression reports are true on this point (I suspect they are as they fit with what we know of free will and the power of personal choice and permission), then we get to plan the extent of our dealings with the soulmate in the next incarnation, typically based on an agenda of self-punishment and agenda-clearing. That probably explains why most people aren’t with their soulmates.

    Also, soulmates can have issues to work through before they can sustain a harmonious relationship with one another. A lot of water’s gone over the dam, and we carry subconscious memories of the hurts and missteps of many lifetimes in our hearts. I don’t consider this “karma” that needs to be repaid, but rather: deep-seated, self-sabotaging attitudes that need to be dissolved for us to come together in a relationship that works.

    I think we can hasten the union with our soulmate by applying the Law of Attraction to the situation, but we also need to work on releasing the attitudes that keep us enslaved and limited, because these will push that relationship away. It’s also important not to pine over being apart, thinking it’s necessary to be with the soulmate right now to progress or to be happy. (The gods just love that kind of angst.)

    Sometimes circumstances (that we ourselves set up in the pre-life place) don’t allow our coming together with the soulmate when we wish. We can change those pre-life plans by changing our mind and intentions, but we need to do it in a way that won’t hurt others. In other words, we need to imaginate in a way that allows any change we bring about in relationships to bless all the people our life (and the soulmate’s life) touch. It’s easy to get selfish and focus on what we want personally, but coming together with the soulmate should be a spiritual reunion that’s right on every level, bringing good and joy to everyone around us, not happening at someone else’s expense. That isn’t too much to ask of the universe, which is infinite.

    If we create through thought in this harmonious fashion, the universe will restore us to our true love in the quickest time possible given any roadblocks that need to be removed. As with all imaginating, we should focus joyously and confidently on what it is we want, and allow life to work out the circumstances in its own good way. That will happen if we desire only goodness.


  3. Barbara said,

    October 31, 2008 at 6:14 pm

    Thank you Bronte. I agree with what you are saying. I certainly bought into the hardship as experience to “grow” with idea of a challenging life.

    It was a revelation to me brought about by reading about Tibet that there is no “Karma” just what we focus on. That was in the early days of your blog, not so long ago but it seems like years.

    M E is the chronic fatigue syndrome. It has now been recognised by doctors but in EBB’s day would be undiagnosed. It is still hard to diagnose now as the symptoms are not the same for everyone but can include aching muscles and feeling tired and weak.

  4. Alex said,

    November 12, 2008 at 3:44 pm

    -Certainly, once we unite consciously with the Infinite, which is the base and core of what we are, such feelings of lack disappear-

    I think it’s just as likely that you hit the mark with the above sentence. The longing you describe may well not be a longing for another side of us, rather it’s a need to join with Infinity/God/the Source, whatever you choose to call it-at least that’s what I’ve found to be true in my life.

  5. Gia said,

    November 15, 2008 at 2:30 am

    I have recently found my soulmate who ironically was my first boyfriend 25 years ago. All of that time passed and I moved an hour away and just happened to run into him near my house. From that day on, we have seen each other almost every day (that was 2 months ago). On the days that we can’t see each other, which is only maybe 2 a week if that, our longing for each other is so extreme that we actually have trouble getting along. We don’t argue, it’s different. We act completely insecure and vulnerable when we’re not together. We are actually having separation anxiety even though we know we will see each other the following day and have complete trust in each other. Neither of us have ever had feelings like this before. This has opened up areas of my heart that I didn’t know existed until now. I look into his eyes and I can actually feel it inside of my heart, just as I feel it when he’s not with me and my heart aches. It is the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me and the most beautiful feeling I ever felt other than holding my kids for the first time after they were born. You can actually feel the magnetism and energy that pulls us together where ever we are. The limitness in our honesty to each other is also mystifying. Although we’ve only been together for 2 months, it feels like its been a year or more, and we both remember nothing about the past – all that exists is time from the minute we found each other forward. It’s completely magical and spiritual and I am blessed to be lucky enough to experience this in my lifetime.

  6. enreal said,

    January 4, 2009 at 12:31 pm

    Brilliant article. Full of vision and light… you weaved a tapestry of art and soul into this page. Your theories are an affirmation of sorts to my heart… thank you for this piece… truly

  7. Kushta said,

    September 20, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Metaphysically speaking each soul was separated with its other half prior to incarnating into the material realm manifesting in the plurality of men and women in their variegated forms of expression within the world. One of the primary symptoms of this separation is the deeply ingrained desire within the soul to unite with its other half, to find its one true love. Bookshelves abound with stories that testify to this phenomenon, movies captivate hearts that feel its inner reality, and human life itself seems to be an exhibition of this never ending search. Far from being a sentimental bye product of fantasy and fiction, the search for one’s other half is a desire manifesting from within the soul itself that carries with it deep and profound archetypal patterns of transcendental significance.

    All of the years I spent engaging in spiritual exercises could not yield the desired results as the simplicity of being a husband and a father has. Family life has been for me the most spiritually transformative experience I have ever known. When connected with our other half, we truly begin LIVING.

    Bronte, the more I read, the more I am in a constant state of amazement at how you continuiously delve into topics that are both rarely understood by most and also form the very foundation of my spiritual beliefs.

    – Kushta

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